Two Speed Blender

     My blender is great. It has two speeds: high and low. I guess technically it has three speeds if you count off. It doesn't have frappe or stir or liquify. Just high and low and it gets shit done. My blender looks kinda like this:

Except that's a picture of the "retro style' blender, and mine is actually just that old. It was made in the 20s and passed down from generation to generation. Or it was made in the 40s and my great-grandmother just gave it to me because everyone else already had a blender. Either way, it's an old blender and it still works great.
     I attempted to use one of those magic bullet blenders a while back to make a smoothie. It was a bit of a pain and there were a lot of safety precautions all over. After a minute or two of pulsing, per the directions, my smoothie was still chunky. I was impatient and I drank it anyway. Also, there wasn't that much of it. That might be part of the point of the magic bullet--portion control--but it's a damn smoothie and mind your own damn business small kitchen appliance.
     I made a smoothie this morning in my relic Oster 2-speed blender and it was wonderful. I poured in however much stuff I wanted and turned the knob on. I turned it to slow at first, and then to high. And then--THEN--I went right back to off. Because that's how the dial is fashioned; it goes from off to low to high to off. CONVENIENCE! Also, the speeds are listed as "hi" and "lo" because the font is large and the dial is not that large. Anyway, my smoothie came out smooth and perfectly blended. There were no chunks and each gulp was the same consistency, which is really what I look for in a smoothie.
     This blender is practically between 80 and 100 years old and it blends great. It's the only blender I'll ever need. Forever. This is the thing I'll pass down to my grandchildren. They might have to power it with crystals, but hopefully they'll have a crystal to AC power converter because this is a fantastic blender. Mmmm, future smoothies.

Oh, The Weekend

     The weekend is a nice time to put all our worries aside. Put a pin in them, as the saying goes. Cut loose, let your hair down, Frankie Say Relax! I'm not trying to brag here, but I had a pretty awesome weekend full of improv, making an ass of myself, and the Oscars! Yay! Shiny!
     Improv Jams are awesome, and the Lady Jam is even more awesome, for two main reasons--1. it's for ladies, and 2. DANCE PARTY! It's fun that it's for ladies because the idea of ladies supporting ladies is really important. It's not about excluding guys (in fact, there were several gentlemen there, a Front Row Dudes chant, and the host brought a guy up for one jam). It's about including and supporting your fellow women players. And of course, the dance party. It's just effing fun.
     The other really fun part of jams is the party after the jam. All the cool kids head out to the same bar and enjoy a few drinks and some more good times. And that is where I am afforded the opportunity to make an ass of myself. I do it like this: experienced improviser whom I've watched for years introduces herself to me, I gush, she tries to get away, I feel foolish. Still though, I'd do it again!
     I also had my Improv 101 Grad show this past weekend. That was also very fun. People actually come to watch! Like woah! We're not awesome, but we try, and expectations are low. We said words, we made characters, we performed scenes, and people laughed. Success!
     After the show my friend Riley and I went on a search for a bar showing the Oscars. It was not that difficult. We sat and watched for a bit and tried to read lips since the bar didn't have the closed caption on. It was good times. Then I rushed home at a commercial break, missing Best Song and a few supporting roles, getting home just in time for the last three awards. My roommate said exactly what Meryl Streep said half of America said when her name was announced. I, however, feel this way about Meryl Streep:


Meryl Streep could play Batman and be the right choice from Kristian Møller Jørgensen on Vimeo.

I like the Oscars because they're shiny.

For Inspiration Purposes

This video is over an hour long, just so you're prepared. But it's also great. Amy Poehler doles out some great advice. And she and Jane Lynch just have a great time talking to each other. My favorite bit of advice is about the decisions we make and how most of em are 51/49 anyway and then we kinda go "eh, i don't know. Fuck it, let's go."

amy-poehler-in-conversation-with-jane-lynch-live-talks-los-angeles-2197090086 - Live Talks Los Angeles Videos - Biography.com

The Color of My Sleep

    Someone in my dreams last night told me "you're good at math, and that's good, but maybe you should learn some emotions." And I thought that was a little harsh, dream Tina Fey. We had just gotten ingredients to make pancakes and then I stopped a runaway van. The comment seemed to be from nowhere.
     But maybe my dreams have a point. It's nice to be good at math. But learning emotions is important too. Also, I'm not that good at math, so I need emotions to fall back on.
     We do emotion drills in improv where you enter a scene with a defined emotion and you stick with it. Recently a fellow player did this drill; he acted like he was on drugs. "Were you playing that you were on Ecstasy?" "Yeah." "You know that's not an emotion, right? It's not like 'Happy, sad, on ecstasy.'" We all had a good laugh. Good take-away--being on drugs is not an emotion.
   

Betty White: If You Ask Me. A Review

     This is basically a picture book. The page count comes in at 258, but the margins are wide and the lines spaced far apart, like a burn-out's term paper. The book doesn't offer anything new. If you're not already a Betty White fan, there would be no reason to read this book--it's not an autobiography or historical fiction or even a call to decency. However, if you are a Betty White fan, you already know everything she talks about. So really, it's just a picture book.

     I should be more lenient considering she's a 90-year-old woman trying to write a book that isn't just full or sounds a drool stains. It's a valiant effort and it is her 5th book, and it only covers the past 15 years. Really, it offers what it promises. It's just a collection of short anecdotes. 

     She loves the business she's in, she doesn't like walking the Red Carpet, she talks about Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds more than necessary, and she loves animals, even sexual-harassing gorillas. Also, she was in a movie with Jennifer Love Hewitt and played off-type. I suppose that may have been new information because nobody saw that movie. Also, she promotes the hell out of Hot In Cleveland. That, in a nut-shell, is Betty White: If You Ask Me (And of course you won't).

     I'm being extra harsh because it's really late (or really early) and that's what I do when I'm not in my 7-minute window of kindness. Really, it's sweet that she likes to write books and that she's allowed to do it. I know there's a decent amount of Betty White backlash out there. People are tired of her--they say enough is enough. But I'm glad she still gets work and that she's still good at it. She wrote a little book to say she just likes it when people are nice to each other and to animals. (So maybe it is kind of a call to decency.) It takes about 2 hours to read, so it's not really a waste of time. And again, there are pictures.

Two Holidays In A Row

     Paczki day right after Presidents' Day?! Woah, it's a piling on of minor holidays that don't mean much!
     I looked up my post about Paczki day from last year and I rambled on about the tradition of paczki and how they were think dense donuts. Mmmm.  I talked to my mother just the other day and she joked about shipping me one. I don't think it's a good idea, so I hope she didn't do it. I don't want to accept receipt for a smashed up box full of sugar and custard.
     For everyone else--Happy Mardi Gras, Happy Fat Tuesday, and Happy Lent, I guess.  

Tip Your Hat

     Happy Presidents' Day!
     It's one of those holidays that's not really a holiday, huh? The Post Office is closed, but UPS will still deliver.  The entire day is a mystery of what will and will not be open. It's also a day where you can save 20% on things. Oh, what a day.