Why I'm Amazing

     I can drive a stick-shift through DC rush-hour traffic while eating a Chipotle burrito. 

Potpourri

Like the category on Jeopardy, this is just a post of random things.

Track Maintenance.  Oh, Metro.  Whereas I can appreciate that track maintenance must be done, it doesn't stop the frustration I feel when I see the blinking "TRACK MAINTENANCE ADVISORY" sign as I enter the station.  It seems like there is always track maintenance happening.  This past weekend, every line was undergoing track maintenance.  Need to get somewhere in a reasonable amount of time?  Too bad!  The extra crotch-kick of the whole thing is that the schedules aren't updated to reflect the track maintenance, so there isn't a good way to plan for it.  By now, I've come to expect track maintenance on the weekends, so if I need to get someplace, I take the amount of time it normally takes, and multiply it by 60.
     Then the Metro threw me a little surprise yesterday: track maintenance in the middle of the day!  This was unexpected.  I don't know if it was unprecedented or not, I don't often take the metro at noon, but I do think it was ridiculous.  I had to be somewhere in an hour, and hadn't allowed the extra 60x factor to get there.  I do hate running for things, and the metro caused me to run against my will.  The metro is like my middle school gym teacher, replete with unidentifiable musky odor and disapproving glances.

Sketchy Cab Drivers.  Sometimes I wonder if cab drivers really have a passion for the work they do.
     I was ready to head home on Saturday night and considered taking a cab.  I was at a bus stop where a line of cabbies were waiting.  It was pretty late at night, and there are a few things I've learned about trying to take cabs in DC.  First, they don't like to go relatively short distances.  I can understand why, but it gets irritating and I would think bordering on illegal when they just refuse to take you home because you don't live far enough away.  Second, they don't like to only take one person, so they will often try to get a few people to get in their cab who are all going to the same area.  Then they charge each person a separate fare.  I think this happens more often late at night.  I also think this borders on illegal.  Except by borders on, I mean I think it's illegal, but I also want to go home, so I put up with it.
     Saturday night was such a situation.  I told the cab driver where I was going, and he pointed to some other kid who was going to the same area.  I'm not an expert at DC, but the intersection the kid gave the cabbie was not that close to where I was going.  The cabbie pointed vaguely in the direction of his cab and told us both to go with him.  I couldn't see his cab at first, and then he walked up to a large black Lincoln Navigator and opened the doors.  Uhhh.  Lincoln Navigators are not cabs.  I looked in and didn't see a meter.  I asked "Is there even a meter in here?"  He didn't hear me, or chose to ignore me as he walked to the other side and got in the driver side.  I told the kid he could go ahead but I wasn't taking an unmetered cab.  The kid climbed in.  The driver yelled at me "are you coming?"  "No" and I shut the door.  Then the cabbie was pissed, got out, and started trolling the crowd for someone else who was going close to where this kid lived.  I then walked to the Metro station.
     Last night I had a similar situation, and I was on the lookout for the sketch Navigator driving cabbie.  It was much later, and the Metro wasn't an option.  A cabbie who drove a normal yellow cab offered to take me.  I got in his cab, and then he closed the door and went to find more people.  Ugh.  I just wanted to go home, but I knew the game.  After a couple of minutes, he came back.  He said there was someone who couldn't find her car and needed help, but he didn't want to leave me in the car.  Gee, thanks.  So we start to pull away and he starts honking at the girl and telling her to get in so we could find her car.  Of course she doesn't pay attention to him, because from her perspective some crazy cab driver is honking at her and yelling things she can't understand out the window.  So he gives up and drives as fast he can to my house.
     It was about 4 in the morning, and the speed was unnecessary.  There was a lot of honking at the two other cars on the road at the time.  He cut off a semi truck and got severely honked at.  He yelled quasi-obscenities at the truck driver.  Sure, I'd like to get home, but I can wait for this truck to go through the traffic circle.  No need to cut him off.  Really.  Finally we make it to my front door.  I left him an abnormally large tip.  He didn't really deserve it, but I was hoping maybe he would calm the fuck down and the streets of DC would be safer.  Also, sometimes I'm too damn nice.

Really, I'm Alone.  I love burritos.  By now, this is well established.  I was in Chipotle yesterday, and there was a pretty steady line.  I was at the register ready to pay, and then this happened:

Chipotle Employee: What kind of meat is this?
Me: Steak, with Guacamole.
CE: Would you like a drink?
Me:  Yes, please. 
CE: Is this together?
Me: Huh?
::I look to my right to see woman standing next to me::
Me: No.
Woman:  No.
CE: Is this for here, or to go?
Me: For here.
CE: Can I put this on the same tray?
Me:  What?
::CE places my burrito and the woman's burrito bowl on the same tray::
Me: No.  We're not together.
::CE looks very sad::
Woman:  No, we don't-
Me:  We don't know each other.  Really.  I don't know who this is. 
::I turn to woman::
Me: I'm sure you're very lovely.
Woman: And I'm sure you're lovely too.  This same thing happened to me at the movies earlier today.
Me:  Huh.  Weird.
::CE walks away::
Me: Oh, he left.  Uhhh.
::CE returns with the lid of a burrito bowl and hands it to me.::
::I am *confused*::
CE:  Oh, what am I doing?
Me:  I, uh, don't know.
::CE sees the person who actually asked for the lid; she's standing behind me.  He hands it to her.::
::CE tells me the total and rings me up.::
CE:  Thanks.
::CE hands me my receipt and my burrito.::
Me:  Thank you.
::I did not get a drink::

I went to the window seating area in a daze, not quite sure what had happened.  The burrito was good though.

The Perfect Number of Choices

     As the lunch hour looms I contemplate my choices for food.  There aren't many choices and oh how I wish there were more.  Not too many though, just the perfect number of choices.
     I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that five choices would be perfect.  Right now I'm at three and those three are all very similar.  Five Guys Burgers, Subway, and Cornercopia Deli all serve meat on bread.  I love meat on bread but the lack of variety leaves me cold.  I usually bring my lunch from home but sometimes I'm in the mood to go outside and feel fresh air in my lungs.  Sometimes I want a little something special.  I'd like some variety; I'd like to have sushi on Tuesdays and pizza on Thursdays.  I want more choices.
     Too many choices can be overwhelming though.  I can't remember how many times I've walked in circles in a food court unable to settle on just one thing and then just walked out, stomach still grumbling.  Too many choices leaves me with buyers remorse.  My lunch will be fine, but maybe I should have gotten the Panda Express or something from Chik-Fil-A.  Ahhh!  What have I done?  I've ruined my lunch.  Too many choices stresses me out.
     I live on a block full of restaurants yet I couldn't begin to describe them.  There are too many to choose from so I hide in my house.  That's not completely true- I have been to the carry out pizza place and the discount sushi restaurant.  I recently discovered there's another sushi restaurant only one block farther from that initial one.  I stood at the corner for nearly 30 minutes weighing the pros and cons of trying something only slightly different.  In the end I went for it in an attempt to broaden my horizons, but it was still pretty stressful and I wasn't confident I made the right choice. 
     I would like there to be five restaurant choices for lunch near my place of work.  I want a sandwich shop, a pizza place, a sushi bar, a burrito place, and a burger joint.  To me, that's the perfect number of choices. 

Burritos. A Review.

     Burritos just may be the world's most perfect food.  They contain most of the major food groups, and when made correctly, are portable.  My favorite burritos are made at Herrera's, a small Mexican food restaurant on Temple St. in Boston.  Ever since leaving Beantown, I have been on a burrito quest-  the search for the perfect burrito.
     My ideal burrito is on a thin soft tortilla shell made with Spanish rice, black beans, steak, pico de gallo, cheese, sour scream, and guacamole.  (I'm pretty sure that's all the food groups.)  This is the combination I look for and therefore use to judge burrito restaurants.   
     Often, when expressing my desire for a burrito, people send me to Chipotle.   I don't have anything against Chipotle, but they use white rice with cilantro and lime.  As I just stated, I prefer Spanish rice.  I've gotten into an argument over this before.  It started off simply enough, with the acquaintance recommending Chipotle as though I'd never heard of it and commenting that is was very good because of the cilantro lime rice.   I responded that I knew of Chipotle, had indeed eaten there, and while it was fine, I really preferred the Spanish rice.  Perhaps this acquaintance's mother invented cilantro lime rice, I'm not sure, but apparently I was being indignant, and an argument ensued. 
     I discovered a chain I had been previously unfamiliar with when I came to D.C. - California Tortilla.   It's very close.  They use Mexican rice, which is an acceptable substitute to the Spanish rice, since it's the same thing.  Their tortilla shells are a little thick though.  It's an odd phenomenon.  And the like to put lettuce on things, which I just find unnecessary.  Of course, if you're paying attention, they'll be happy to 86 it.  For now, it's a decent Herrera's substitute, though it is definitely that- a substitute.
     The hardest part of the quest has been finding a burrito place close to work.  There aren't a lot of lunch options near the office- a Subway and a Five Guys, which are both fine, but not burritos.  I attempted a frozen burrito for lunch today, and it kind of left a hole in my soul where an awesome burrito should be.  A substandard burrito usually ignites the quest for an awesome burrito.  This might require a trip to Maryland.