Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Words you don't hear anymore ... because you're a professional.

EXPLICIT CONTENT!  Just so you know, there's swears in this.

There are a few words and phrases I'd like to bring back into rotation. I was inspired by this clip from Better Off Ted. It was a great show, but canceled, because apparently people don't like great things. I'm guessing it got lost in ABC's lineup, falling victim to the over-saturation of work place comedies. Regardless, I always say (and I may have taken this from somewhere and I don't remember from where now) you take your inspiration where you can get it. So for this, I got it here:

A few years ago I was having a conversation with a lawyer friend of mine and the subject of vulgarity came up. Apparently a colleague of hers lamented the fact that certain words had gone out of rotation; words like motherfucker mostly. She took a moment to remind her colleague that it's because they were lawyers. Lawyers don't oft speak like that because it is unprofessional. Not to say that it is completely off their radar, and that they never say it, but it's not every other word, or a casual greeting, like it may have been when the colleague was in middle school and trying to impress other middle school aged boys. 

I think about how often I used to swear and how little I swear now. I feel as though I've just grown out of it. The weird part is I really wish I hadn't. I miss being at the top of my game for stringing together vulgar insults. In fact, I'm not sure I was ever there. I don't think I was ever near the caliber of these classically trained thespians. My hat is off to them.

As much as I would love to bring some of these words back into regular rotation within my own vernacular, I also understand and respect the boundaries of my professional work space. It would indeed create a hostile work environment if I were to call my coworkers "drug-addled twats" and "sister-fucking hillbillies." (Thank you Andrea Anders.) Television is not real life. And that wasn't even television, it was the outakes.

So that leads me to bring back those words within my personal life, at home. The problem here is I've simply fallen out of practice. I end up calling the toaster a "hot piece of fuck," and yelling at the remote control.  It unravels quickly and soon I stop watching my language when I'm talking to my mother. I've been relatively unguarded for a while and she's pretty used to it, but adding in fresh new swears might induce some sort of sugar coma. I did use the word twat with her once. She didn't know what it meant, and I chose to not really explain it well, hoping she wouldn't take my poor explanation for gospel and start using it in her own casual conversation. Though it would spice up her bible study.

So for lack of a sounding board, I get less creative in my vulgarity.  I do like the idea of an insult equation, since it combines two things I enjoy: insults and equations.  You tiny-eyed monkey-twat fucker.  Hm.  I'll keep practicing.

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