Monday, October 3, 2011

The Ever Evolving Mother-Daughter Relationship

     I'm amazed at times how my relationship with my mother can continue to evolve.  It seems strange to realize that it can, because this is the woman who birthed me and wiped my ass for many (probably too many) years.  It seems like cleaning up after someone's bodily fluids would solidify that relationship early on, and not allow for a lot of wiggle room.
     Also, each of us are incredibly obstinate, but we disagree about almost everything.  Sometimes just for spite.  On both our parts.  She's the one who taught me about spite and how to use it to make all my decisions.    My best bitch comes from her.
     I supposed eventually she forgot about all the shit and vomit she used to have to clean up.  Also, I think a lot of the tension dissipated when she just started accepting that I would always try to make a joke.  And now we have almost normal conversations.  I recommended Drive to her.  Then I took it back.  She then told me about a movie she saw.  I told her it sounded awful.  And her reaction was probably racist.  You know, real good mother-daughter conversation stuff.
     Sometimes she tried to pull me into conversations about my sister.  I try to avoid these, as they are a trap.  I'm not interested in complaining about the one person who knows what it's like to have my mom as a mother.  But my mother tries every time.  I like to try to turn it around on her.  My sister's 40th birthday is coming up, and the topic of presents came up.
Mom: She asked me for the attachments to my mixer.  But you know, mine are all chipped, so I got her new ones.  I just hope nobody else got them for her.
Me:  Did you tell her you were going to give them to her?
Mom: NO!
Me: Not the new ones, I mean when she asked for them, did you say you were going to look for them or anything?
Mom:  No, I didn't say anything.
Me:  What do you mean you didn't say anything?
Mom:  I mean I didn't say yes or no or maybe in any way.  I didn't say anything.
Me: So you just ignored her?  The question just hung there?
Mom:  Well, yeah.
And then I pictured it.  I pictured my sister asking a very innocuous question like "can I have your mixer attachments?" and my mother's reaction to be just looking around in circles, pretending nothing was said.  I started laughing at her.
     I could sense that my mom wanted to complain about by sister, but I refuse to play that game.  She said she asked my sister to come over and install a hose-hanger in the garage.  I then asked if Sister just stared at her and refused to answer.  
     I also like to be sure that I'm at least a little intoxicated when I talk to her.  I have found that booze also helps our relationship bloom. 

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