Unaccompanied Minors. A Review.

     I've only seen about 20 minutes of it so far, but it seems pretty terrible.  Also, I'm not listening to it--I put my headphones on to block out the sound of the construction in the apartments all around me--but the soundless pictures pretty much tell me what's going on.  A group of child actors who were popular about 5 years ago got left in an airport and are acting their faces off.  And that's how they act too--with their faces.  

     Rob Corddry is in this too.  He filled up a container labeled "bio fuel," laughed maniacally, pulled a Santa suit from a shelf in his garage, and drove away in an old Mercedes.  Clearly, he's the bad guy.  So far, that's all I know about this movie.  Still, I think it's probably going to be terrible.  Rob Corddry's character is probably a bio-terrorist and the kids will probably thwart his plans.  It's probably a classic tale of a group of misfits overcoming their differences and adversity and defeating the terrible man trying to defeat Christmas.  

      There will be prat falls, but no one will be really hurt.  Adults will be viliianized even when they're just trying to do their jobs and the children will be heroized even when they're breaking the damn rules.  I don't know why these kids are stuck in an airport, but I would guess they did something stupid and didn't do what an airport employee told them to do.  They'll spend most of the movie being bratty scamps, right up to the end when they apologize to their parents with big doe eyes and their parents forgive them, just being thankful they're alive and dismiss all the collateral damage with "kids will be kids."

     I just turned around to catch a scene where the misfit kids are sledding down a hill in a canoe.  Oh, what scamps.  Why are they outside?  I don't know, but I bet it's a stupid reason.  It may seem like I'm not giving this movie a fair shake.  But really, I've already spent more time thinking about it than I ever really wanted to.  This is a film that was made with the intent of it falling into the modern Christmas canon, and it failed miserably.  

      Oh, Lewis Black is in it.  Maybe he's the bad guy.  Maybe I have no idea what's happening in this film at all.  Still, it's probably terrible.  Grade F.