Monday, July 11, 2011

Priorities and Desperation

     Perhaps it doesn't seem like those things are intertwined, but I think they are.  It occurs to me a lot when I have this pit-in-the-stomach feeling of desperation over something that more rational people around me find to be an over reaction.  I've been trying to watch the video that compiles every food quotation uttered by Ron Swanson on Parks & Rec.  The first link I found required flash and I do not have it.  I thought "Ahhh, I have to go home right now so I can watch this."  It seems hasty, yes.  But frankly, that's where my priorities are. 
     I'm not a completely irresponsible dolt so I didn't just walk out of my office and go home to watch the video.  I did, however, daydream about it.  In the initial 5 seconds after the "install flash player" bip bip bip happened, I felt loss and confusion.  How could this be made better?  Oh god.  What's happening?  Nobody could understand- I had to see this.  It was a 7 minute video of Ron Swanson Food Quotes.  Yes, of course I had seen all the episodes.  So what?  What's your goddamn point, nobody?  I need to see it, right now.  Ahhh.  Life is unfair.
     That's the desperation part.  Slowly, I start to work through that desperation.  I do some Lamaze breathing and my vision returns.  This will still be on the internet in a few hours.  I shouldn't do anything rash.  Bookmark the link and email to myself, maybe.  It'll be OK.  My feelings are perfectly normal.  This is important, and that's fine, but I can't let it take over.  OK.  I get it.  Breathe, click on something else, and move on.  

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