Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I Put Pickles on My Salad

     Trying to become a different person is hard.  I decided not too long ago that this is precisely what I wanted to do- become a different person.  Or perhaps more accurately, a different version of myself.  I don't want to be unrecognizable with a different name and personality, but I'd like to be different. 
     For example, I don't want to be a nail biter any more.  It's a disgusting habit.  It's a habit that probably started as soon as I got nails, and nothing anyone ever did deterred it.   I had sort of assumed it was a habit one grew out of, so I never tried hard to break it.  And now it is so ingrained in me that I can't stop.  Now I oscillate between not noticing it, and really enjoying it.  It's sick.   But I finally got sick and tired of having hands that looked like they belonged to an adolescent boy, so I've decided to stop.  But it's tricky to stop, because it's a habit.  A very long habit that I've spent years cultivating.  And now I want to change it.  It's hard.
      There are a handful of other things I would like to change.  My intent is to make a slow transition,  first to help the changes stick, and also, so I don't scare people I know.  I think my coworkers would freak out if I showed up on a Monday with bright white teeth, long finger nails, and slutty boots.  Well, I wouldn't wear slutty boots- it was an example used to illustrate a possible change in wardrobe.
      I like the idea of eating better too.  I don't like actually doing it though.  I'm mostly after the end results of being slimmer and feeling better in general, and regularity.  But the process can suck sometimes.  And it's how I ended up getting pickles on my salad.  We made a trek over to Subway, and I decided to be smart and get a salad.  Subway at 11am is incredibly stressful.  It became my turn and all I could say was "all the vegetables except jalapeños."   The Sandwich Artist did exactly what I asked for.  And then when I got back to office I thought about it a little more.  Pickles don't belong on a salad.  Both people I mentioned this to countered with the fact they like pickles.  Hell, I like pickles too- but not on a salad.  That's weird.
      Trying to become a different person is hard, and it's a slow process that involved paying closer attention to things.  Like when your hands are in your mouth, and when pickles are an option.  

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