Monday, January 9, 2012

I Know Shit

     You know, there is some shit that I know about.  And damn it, if you ask for my help on stuff, I'm gonna tell you about the shit.  And just because you didn't know I knew the shit, it doesn't make the shit less relevant.  Consider yourself lucky that you asked someone who knows so much shit for help.  Because not only do I know some shit, I'm pretty god-damn humble about it.  That's why you didn't know about all the shit I know--'cause I'm fucking humble.
     Also, it just so happens that I can remember a lot of shit too.  I happen to know the names of the three main cast members of The Big Bang Theory--Jim Parsons, Johnny Gilecki, Kaley Cuoco--even though I do not watch the show.  I can also remember specific things about The X-Files; I could still write a graduate-level thesis about the Mulder and Scully relationship and its importance to the show and the franchise.  My knowledge of these topics does not make me an idiot.
     But I digress.
     I'm just saying that I actually know shit and it's a real blow to my ego when people are so surprised by it.  This also falls under the realm of opinions on things.  Sometimes my opinion is right, so please just take a second and consider it.  For example, "maybe this character should behave more like a human" might actually have some relevance in your rewrites. I realize having a Master's degree in Film Production doesn't trump your penis, but maybe just for a second, listen to the words that are coming out of my mouth.  I think I'm pretty open minded while listening to your euphemisms for vagina--axe gash, thanks for that--so maybe you can extend me the same fucking courtesy.
     So maybe that's not so humble, but I just wanted to get that off my giant heaving chest. I know what the fuck I'm talking about. Digression over, and hidden because sometimes I think maybe I should say those things. And really, that's the big problem here isn't it? Because really, I should fucking say it all the time and much louder. "Stop writing your women so stupid and the reason you can't get women is because you are actually an asshole." Now that's a great piece of writing advice.      

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