Monday, April 18, 2011

I Almost Fell Off the Escalator

Allow me to paint a picture:  Friday is Mary's bagel day.  She loves bagel day, and rightfully so- bagels are awesome.  Mary and I chat frequently, and the topic of our respective lunches comes up often.  Friday afternoon, we had this conversation:

Mary: I'm starving.
  Do I bring a bagel home for lunch?
me: sure!
  that sounds great
Mary: Do I put cream cheese on it? Or make a tuna sandwich with it?
me: ooh. tuna!
Mary: K. It shall be done.
me: awesome
Mary: Do you think cream cheese with tuna on it would work at all?
  The way one would put salmon or whitefish on bagels?
me: yeah, that could be good
Mary: Maybe I'll do that... 
To my delight, Mary reads Oliver daily and she was very aware of my email troubles with my mother.  Based on these two things, I received the following email Friday afternoon:
Dear Nancy,

I'm writing to inform you that tuna and cream cheese do not, in fact, go together as was previously suspected. In fact, they make a terrible mix and I highly recommend you avoid eating them in combination.

Hope your family is well.


Mary H. Alongi
I read it from my phone while traveling on a descending escalator.  I started laughing so hard I nearly tumbled down the escalator.  I would assume fellow Metro passengers thought I was crazy but that feeling is usually mutual anyway.
     There are several points that can be taken from Mary's email.  One of the most obvious may be "Nancy, maybe you're harshing a little too much about your mother's emailing technique."  Sure, maybe.  Because it would have made sense for Mary to write an email in the style of my mother to get the tuna/cream cheese information across.  However, it would not have made me almost fall of an escalator, and where would we be without that gem of a moment.  Also, as follow up, below is the email correspondence between my mother and me from this morning.

From: Nancy Melchert <>
To: Debra Melchert <>
Sent: Mon, April 18, 2011 9:26:45 AM
Subject: Re:

?? :(     

On Mon, Apr 18, 2011 at 9:04 AM, Debra Melchert <> wrote:
snowing here.  1-3 inches expected.  snow brush in the garage
 I ask again, please, can we teach my mother to use email?

P.S.  I feel it should also be mentioned that if I give her an inch, she'll take a mile.  I was expecting another under 140 character oddly punctuated response, and she did not disappoint.  I think she's not fully aware of the reply button, and I received this new email just moments ago: 
heard if you take a travel mug to Starbucks they will fill it with coffee for free - this week only.  is that by you too ?

 I would like to offer the same response: ?? :(     

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